Thursday, May 13

Dealing with Death

Today I lost my beautiful puppy Sophie to Parvo. Until today I was somewhat unfamiliar with Parvo disease and its symptoms/effects, so I didn't know she even had it until this morning, and she was already showing all the symptoms.

As soon as I realized she was sick, I brought her in the house to take care of her. I first thought she had a bad case of dehydration, but after some research I realized it was Canine Parvo. I began bottle feeding her Pedialyte and I ran to the store and grabbed some Parvo medicine to help her get better.

She was deteriorating so quickly, and I had never known that Parvo could take over a dog so fast. She went from high-energy yesterday to walking around to tonight where she couldn't even stand up. For me, watching an animal that I love deteriorate like that is one of the most painful things I have ever had to go through. It is agonizing to see them in so much pain and not be able to do anything about it.

For the last four or five hours, I held her in my lap and then laid her on the floor and I laid beside her. She had no strength in her legs and couldn't stand up anymore, and she was starting to have a hard time breathing. Around 10p.m., she started bleeding from her hind end. I was starting to realize that she wasn't going to make it, but I refused to believe what was happening. I just couldn't believe how fast everything had happened. So she fought through it for about another hour while I laid beside her, then her time came.

I have never up close with death. I have never watched someone die. Especially not a painful death. I had given Sophie some ibuprofen to help with pain, so I hope it wasn't as painful as it looked, but as I laid there beside her, she suddenly stretched out and started gasping for air. Realizing she was fading away, I sat up and rubbed my hand down her back trying in some way to let her know I was there. After several agonizing breaths, she laid down and I could see her muscles starting to relax. I wrapped her up in the towel she was laying on and held her nearly lifeless body close to my chest. As I leaned my head in close to hers to give her a farewell kiss, I heard her take one last deep breath and as that breath faded away, so did her precious little life.

I never really understood before why people blame God and ask why He allows people to die certain ways until I experienced Sophie's death tonight. Watching someone that you love so dearly die in such a painful way is complete and utter torture. Now in my heart i know that everything happens for a reason, and that Sophie's death was no exception, but my heart also wants to scream out, "why did it have to be this way"? I can sympathize to a degree with people who've lost a loved one in a painful way now, but each of us still has to muster every ounce of faith within us to truly believe God knows what He is doing and although we may never understand His reasons in this life for what we go through or experience, His ways are better than ours, and we will understand it all one day.

Watching my precious little puppy die the way she did was extremely difficult, and many of my tears were spilled tonight over her. However, I know that nothing happens by chance, and there was a good reason for what Sophie and I went through together today. I doubt I'll understand it in this life, but what is important is that I learned valuable life lessons tonight through this situation.

I miss my Sophie already very much, and hope that in some way through her pain and suffering that she was able to realize that I was by her side to the end. I loved her dearly, and will remember her always. She was an amazing puppy, and there will never be another one like her. Goodbye, my precious Sophie. I do hope that all dogs go to heaven, because I want to see you there one day soon.


  1. Ryan, very well spoken...I am glad that you are able to write and let your feelings out some way..I am glad that I was there to watch you take care of her to see your compassion and most sensitive side.. I love you and am here for you...

    Your Bestie,

  2. You have a wonderful heart, Ryan... I love you ♥