No One Else Knows

Lately I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety, depression, sadness, etc. I've really gotten bogged down by this "trying to find work" thing. This month it will be one year since I was employed somewhere. One year.....365 days...8.760 hours....525,600 minutes of life without a job or a regular income.

When I moved to California, I was really excited, because I just knew deep down inside things were going to work out for me here and that I would be able to pursue my dreams and ambitions. I had a fire burning in my soul, a desire to take on the world and really show them I'm going places. Now, here I sit, one year from my last job, wondering where the time has gone, and trying to remember that burning flame which has been reduced to a smoldering ember.

Instead of taking on the world with a purpose-driven attitude, I'm carefully monitoring my checking account, hoping that after the bills come out there will be money to spend on gas, food, ect. My credit cards are not getting paid off because minimum payments are all I can afford right now, leaving me with a balance each month that is almost identical to the last months amount. Then there are the times where I feel so down and discouraged (which is quite frequently these days) that I end up spending money I don't really have on myself, eating out, seeing a movie, or buying something I want. I'm not helping myself any, but a guilty pleasure tends to make me believe somehow that things are better than they seem.

I'm constantly day-dreaming about all the ambitions I used to have. I will have been out of high school for five years this May, and I imagined myself in such a different place than where I am today. When friends my age are finishing up their bachelor's degrees, I sitting here with one semester of college work on my list of accomplishments. I don't even get the chance to play the piano during the week (the piano is my stress-reliever for bad days) because I can't afford to purchase one. I want to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel like everyone says, but I've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and still all that I see ahead is a bleak darkness.

Cue "No One Else Knows". This song has really carried me through times where I really thought I was going to throw the towel in. First off, I really admire and respect the guys from Building 429 for their testimonies and the powerful songs they write/record. "No One Else Knows" really is the essence of what I'm feeling right now; the definitive heart and soul of Ryan.

My one true stronghold in all of these hards times is my faith, however weak it may be. My faith gives me the strength to walk through another day, to brave another trial, to continue in unemployment. The song captures what my heart is crying out on the inside; the part that not many people see.

Since this song has done so much for me, I'm posting it for you to listen to and hopefully get some encouragement from if you understand where I'm coming from. Although my heart hurts, there is still hope for tomorrow. Even though I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, the beautiful rays of pure light will soon cast themselves upon my weary eyes. There is hope...

With that I give you "No One Else Knows"

My world is closing in, On the inside

But I’m not showing it
when all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken, I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken, Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms again

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the
emptiness inside my head
I am falling, I'm falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying, Lord, I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms again

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms again


no one else knows

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